first trimester

It's quite disconcerting being pregnant.

Actually, if I'm completely honest, it's a bit shit. I feel guilty for saying that, as I should probably feel grateful for it, but a whole bunch of things start happening to your body, and to be frank, most of them are an inconvenience.

For all the pregnant women who say, "Oh my God, I just love being pregnant" I think you're lying. Maybe you're in the second trimester and your bump is looking good, and you feel amazing - awesome. I still think you're lying.

I didn't have a totally terrible first three months, but I have to say this:

1) Being pregnant is extremely boring. You can't drink, you can't eat stuff you blatantly enjoy (sushi) and you're too tired to stay up beyond 10pm.
2) You feel sick and tired for three months. A little like what I imagine a cancer patient to feel like.

I was extremely lucky, to be fair. I've had mates (Kate Middleton being of my close pals, too, obvs), who have yacked their brains out so much within the first three months that they had to be hospitalised and have drips attached to them.

I didn't puke very much, which was nice. I constantly felt like I could, though.

I'd wake up in the middle of the night feeling really ill, during lunch time I would feel sick, on the tube ride to work I feared I would projectile vomit over a group of stoic strangers. Pretty much most of the day, I was at that tipping point where if someone asked me to puke on demand, I just about could.

Would've been a fantastic party trick. If I could stay awake to actually go to one in the first place.

It was the tiredness that was the killer though. Around 1pm in the afternoons, after I'd eaten lunch consisting of something blander than a pair of taupe stockings, usually mashed potato and a wedge of hard cheese, I would suddenly feel as though I'd been raving all night long.

The tiredness would slap me in the face, and encase my head in cotton wool, envelope my body in a smothering blanket. Where, if I didn't stand up and force myself to walk around the office, I would certainly pass out cold on my desk.
It's a strange kind of exhaustion that literally just takes over your body. I managed to keep up some sort of gym programme during this time, mainly because I knew that running on a treadmill over lunch would keep me physically upright/awake.

Then once home, I'd be asleep by 8:30pm. It's as if the little parasites I was growing inside me had attached a direct pipeline from my mouth to their stomachs, sourcing any bit of energy they could. And I suppose they were, so that they could grow all their organs.

 The problem too is that I wanted to keep this a secret for as long as I could; most women do I think, at least until the 12 week mark and the scan confirms that everything is fine and the chances of miscarriage decrease.
So while you're green at the gills, I would hold onto a wine glass at drinks do's so that no one would suspect anything.
How I managed to keep this under wraps until 15 weeks is beyond me, it feels like everything is changing and weird and that you're the only one in the world this is happening to. Especially with twins.

I immediately went off a bunch of foods. And it's still an issue, I can't eat or smell certain foods without feeling ill.
I literally went off things that were actually healthy and good for me. Vegetables? Oh my gad, get those away from me, especially if they were raw. I used to pile my plate with baby spinach, tomatoes, kale - now? I can't even look at these things.

Fish? Good Lord, NO. I used to love eating grilled salmon. Favourite food basically. Now? Urrgh. 

I'm back on the dairy in a massive way, because it's one of the only food groups I don't mind eating - stuffing my face with yoghurt and hard cheese.
The other stuff I crave is bland food. Potatoes, bread, pasta, anything that's basically a carb. Meat generally not, unless it's a sausage or something.

The weird part is I crave sushi, but I'm not allowed to eat it. I also would love a bit of parma ham, or "deli meats" as they say, but not really allowed these either.
I haven't had a coffee in four months - or a drink for that matter - and I'm being particular fanatical about this (as much as I would LOVE a coffee). I'm being fanatical, because my babies are probably going to be premature as it is.

But that said, despite feeling and getting fat (let's not lie - I will be the size of a rhino soon), a bit overwhelmed, I'm glad to see the back of the first trimester.

I also need to go and buy myself some massive pants this weekend. The sexy ones with the massive band that holds everything in.