my new club

At least my fellow members understand irony, and well.

So the Dukan idea was short lived. I was on the Dukan diet for 5 seconds and decided it was pretty much what I'd be trying to do - and failing miserably - on Atkins anyway.

I got talked out of it. The colleague that I'm tag dieting with (it's a real hobby, tag dieting. Because I say so), said she tried Dukan and eating only skinless chicken breasts for 3 days made her go on a weekend binge fest that involved making love to vatfuls of cake.

Hmmm cake. I could make love to a cake.

Also, when I signed up for the Dukan diet online, this is what Monsieur Dukan had to say about my target weight:

Mate, you're taking the piss. The last time I weighed 56 kilos was after I got a kidney infection at varsity and didn't eat for a week.

Dr Dukan's strap line might be Five million French people can't be wrong, but i beg to differ. Are you trying to make me anorexic, asshole?

Perhaps. I mean look at Kate Middleton. You could snap her like a chicken. And she's on Dukan.

On top of arguing that my target weight is 56 kilos not 59 kilos, the man says it's going to take me two months to get there.

Fuck that. I would rather piss a load of pixels than wait...weight....that long.

So my Tag Dieter has convinced me to join...oh God the stigma...WeightWatchers.

Jesus. I belong to a fat club.



Peas: [Resignatory sigh] Babe I've joined WeightWatchers.

Brit: Why? What the fuck?

Peas: To lose 7 kilos. That I can't lose any other way.

Brit: You realise they'll laugh at you guys? You're not fat.

Peas: Yes I do realise there may be some larger, more rotund people there, but this is the only solution.
And Weightwatchers at least encourages you to be aware of what you smash in your pie hole. And creates a sustainable eating plan for you.

So I've ordered the scale, signed up and am now tracking everything I eat.

I'm allowed 29 points a day.
I can eat anything I want (Hmmm cake), as long as I stay within the 29 points law.

To give you an example - I can drink 4 pints of cider or not eat dinner.
Or I can eat roast potatoes, a steak and vegetables but not eat dessert.

You can decide where your points go. I can budget where I please. So if I want to eat an entire tub of ice cream, or more likely, a pie, then I can. It just means I can't eat anything more than salad for the rest of the day.

And tracking my food in this online tool thingie is actually almost fun. (Is this how accountant s feel when they number crunch? Do they get all excited?)

Might be worth mentioning I had four cocktails last night at a work do, so I am only starting today.

Fuck.